Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,
as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself
What a girl. She’d already written out the list.
This was the list. Bows. Arrows. Catapults. Air pistols (they wouldn’t sell proper guns to someone still at junior school, even in the Olden Days, and even if she was the Prime Minister). Slugs for the air pistols. Uniforms. Boots. Tents. Flags. Trumpets. And, of course, Men. They didn’t allow girls in the army.
“Now, what about lunch on the first day?” she said to herself. “Would a Chinese take-away keep hot all the way from here? Or might it be better to get something there? Fish and chips, perhaps?”
Tracy went shopping. She took a few tough types from the palace guards with her, to give her a bit of street cred, and she cashed in the Crown Jewels at the Nosepipewide Building Society.
In the shops, everything seemed so much more expensive than she had thought. She even considered the possibility that the shopkeepers had put the prices up when they heard she was coming, but that couldn’t be true.
In a remarkably short time she ran out of money and had to ask for tick, as credit was known then. She promised the shopkeepers land and castles in Ang Gonnasec. What they would get if the invasion was a failure, she didn’t say.
In any case, by the time King Nicky Tams The Easily Led came down for breakfast next morning, everything was almost ready.