Writer’s block? I went to my writer’s group last week and the plan was they would give us a start and an ending to a story. A sort of crusty piece of bread where we were to put in the jam. That’s where I experienced the ‘jam’. Nothing. The first phrase was : “They both knew it was the last time they would see each other…”. The rest of the group scribbled away and tapped away on their little oeuvres whilst my oevre was completely barren. I sat there like a lemon not knowing how to even complete the sentence, and that’s what it felt like: I’d been sentenced and there was no time off for good behaviour. Today’s guards sort of sum up the evening.
Speaking of no jam in the bread, I’ve added a new profile picture of myself. Taken a good many years ago this is me at a party. I know how to have a good time but here at Susan’s birthday I was not a happy chappie. My dear Aunty and Uncle has supplied catering of the highest standard but they had forgotten the most important addition to a birthday: jam butties. I was not just upset, I was actually very cross, what were they thinking?
Any resemblance to the man on the left in the cartoon is entirely coincidental.
So there I was in the local M and S, for those of you not familiar with British stores it’s a department store with a food section. I was accosted by one of their customer service people and asked if I wanted to buy a bottle of ‘this’. It was now reduced to 10p.
“What is it? ”
“Japanese mayonnaise Sir”
“Why would I want to buy Japanese mayonnaise when I can get perfectly good English mayonnaise?”
“Because it’s only 10p Sir”
” Apparently it’s very popular in Japan”
“But not over here or it wouldn’t be only 10p. Which of the wise heads in your buying department ever thought that getting mayonnaise that has travelled six thousand miles might be a good idea?”
” Dunno Sir”
“OK, I’ll give it a try” said I. Thinking that at 10p it might be worth it.
As he left me he looked at one of his colleagues and gave a short imperceptible ‘whoop’ of triumph. They’d just managed to get rid of the last bottle of the stuff without actually giving it away.
So this bottle of Japanese mayonnaise resides in my fridge waiting for an opportunity to be used, and I think of the phone call to Japan: ” Hello, yes we did get the mayonnaise, but nobody else did”
“Sorry, we do not understand ”
“It didn’t sell Mr Toshiba ( I’m short on Japanese names )”
” So you won’t be ordering any more?”
” I think not”
“I don’t understand, it’s very popular in Japan”
May be the dangerous nature of the bottle is what put us off, who wants their clothes spattered and spotted when approaching salad.
Here’s the last of my writer’s group inspired versions, this one was written by Russell Burgess who has written a few books which have this sort of urgency to the lines, they are not children’s books! I wrote that bit… His book ‘Pavlov’s House’ is a cracking good read and is available on Amazon kindle, I’m half way through it at the moment.
The next few blogs were inspired, if that’s the right word, by my evening with the Montpellier Writers Group. The theme was to do with senses for the evening and was testing, so I opted out in a way by just hoovering up little writer’s gems from the evening.
The one above is my own view of probably what I’m like with these sort of things.
Thanks to all those who made more sense of it than I did and apologies for recycling and here and there revamping any of your ideas.