The problems in America? It’s got to be the food.

It’s enough to turn anybody crazy. The things they eat over there get more and more extreme. I follow this site where the delightful Betty reviews food that she seems to buy from someone called Trader Joe.

Whatever next?

I have this vision of Joe in a large shed somewhere ( I’m keen on sheds as a place to be creative ) thinking “What can I put out there that will tickle their taste buds and send me laughing all the way to the bank?”.

Here are some recent gems from Joe:
Turkey Bacon. Great idea, lets get all the grim bits of that old turkey and press it until it looks like bacon and then get the road roller to flatten it so it resembles strips of bacon. No Joe! Bacon is bacon.

Organic Roasted Teriyaki Seaweed snack, what’s not to like? Well everything really Joe.

Shredded Cheese Blend. ” What if they think of buying cheese in a block, say three types, and then mixing it together Joe?” They’ll never think of that will they?

Coffee Flour. Made from dried and ground coffee cherry husks and husk skins. I kid you not, this is for real as they say. You know when you go to a coffee shop and the barista person knocks all those old coffee grounds out of the filter thingummy into a bin. Well Joe has been in there and knows how to monetise this stuff. Put it in flour. You’ll be delighted to know that it has limited production.

I was begining to think that we’d reached the nadir of foolishness when Betty posted something about Butter Lettuce. I’m pleased to report that they don’t put butter on the lettuce. It’s tempting to think that they do but it’s a type.

All these things might just be the tip of the iceberg.

Last on my list is Joe’s Beefless Ground Beef. If it’s beefless it’s not beef, so how come thay can call it beef if it’s not. This is not fake news, rumours to the contrary are groundless.

Eating any of this stuff is likely to make you trump. Hopefully they’ll find an antacid that will solve the problem.

Burger3web

 

Random phrases of a mad person, or someone trying to sell you a gold chain in a bus station.

Thanks goodness for the filter that weeds out those emails from companies trying to sell you stuff. One this morning from National Express, the UK coach people, who think I might want to go to Glastonbury. No doubt to have a weekend camping in mud whilst listening to very average music.

These emails are like being accosted and interupted in a bus station by someone trying to sell you a genuine gold chain. The seller seems a bit dodgy, if he says the chain is genuine gold it’s not, and it’s likely to be stolen. The guy reeks of alchohol and it’s only 9.30 in the morning. The normal thing to do is not to engage in conversation.

Well, that’s got that off my chest.

Time to go down and do some plotting…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three stages of artwork, is it ever finished? No.

pont-bighserough238

This is the first rough, or the idea stage for one of my drawings for a coming exhibition here in Cheltenham in August, that I published here some months ago. Here are some links to refresh your memory:

More on my Pont project

Pont: Graham Laidler, and the British Character

A lot of the drawings are about ” The British Character” and are loosley based on the works of a cartoonist from the 1930’s called “Pont” but who’s real name was Graham Laidler. I’ve been helped by the Cartoon Museum to try and contact his descendents so that they can come along to the show sometime, but although they have forwarded my details to some surviving cousins, they have sadly not been in touch.

Anyhow, just to illustrate how these things are coming together, here’s the drawing above in progress, this next image being the next stage from that above, with the tools of the trade: Pentel sign pen, a thicker marker, some of Dr Ph Martin’s Bleedproof white to pick out highlights and correct some of the errors, and some soft grey pastels to get the half tone for the final, plus some erasers to correct the half tone here and there. There is much washing after this stage to get the pastels off where I’ve rubbed the drawing and pastel has transferred to my hands or my face. Fixative makes sure it stays mainly on the paper. The drawings are done on layout paper and glued to card with studio gum before the pastels and amendments are made. No pencils are harmed in the preparation of this artwork! I like pencils but hardly ever use them.

workinprog

Then below here is the final stage. This is the image after it has been photographed and made into a digital file for any last minute alterations and faffing. This is one of quite a few drawings that will soon be available as prints from my other site: My other site

I’ll keep everyone informed on progress towards the exhibition and will be publishing more in the series as we get closer to the August deadline.

PontA2gentryhouseweb


A prediliction for visiting the houses of the gentry
THE BRITISH CHARACTER

 

Apostrophe timebomb.

I’m not good with these and have recently joined a Facebook Gardener’s group called: Gardeners Question Time and someone has taken issue about the lack of apostrophe. Some wit speculated that the true meaning of the group was ” Gardeners question the meaning of time” , rather than what I think was the real intention which most would have thought was ” Gardeners asking questions of each other”. There have been over a hundred responses on Facebook to the thread so far.

Here’s my own take on it

apostrophe348

 

If you are curious you might be able to find it here: Gardeners getting huffy about punctuation

 

Justin Credible

After a bit of a search I found the chap who gave me the idea ( or the excuse to do some drawings ) for a series on names. I’m not sure if he gave me this name but he probably did. Thanks Dennis, you’ve kept me off the streets wandering around pound shops asking how much everything is.

justincredibleweb

More will follow on here as we get closer to my exhibition in August, and I’ve set up a new website, so if you feel like looking around the sort of thing that I do then drop in right here: New site

This is a “work in progress”, as is almost everything I do. However I am determined to eventually get loads of finished drawings on there, and you will be able to buy prints of some of them with a special link to a very fine print place in London : The Print Space

The link on my new site says ” Buy Fine Art Prints”. So that’s a first, my work being described as fine art. Har Har!

Miss Frost

I always wanted to work in advertising, I thought it might be glamorous. In the 70’s it was populated by places which had large reception areas and these could be intimitading places. One of the first things that I discovered that the people behind those huge desks were usually women of a certain type. There were exceptions but in my long experience they could usually be termed as “frosty”, and the better looking of them were usually “glacial”.

Saatchi and Saatchi had two or three of them!

To get past them you had to have an appointment and if this was with someone junior then it might be that they had never heard of them. They are a breed that no longer exist very much, having been consigned to history these days by the phone that no-one answers left in reception that simply says “For customer service dial 191 and wait.” You can wait forever.

Here, like much of my drawing work is another drawing that might be called a ‘work in progress’. Why can I not finish anything? I like cooking omlettes as it appears not to be quite cooked egg. It’s a habit I’m trying to break but it’s been years in the making and it’s not something I find that easy.

So here’s another unfinished drawing. I’ll finish this blog properly sometime soon. Honestly, I promise.Receprionist

 

If a computer were a person.

 

This is what he would be like.

It’s likely to be a bloke called Percy, but most people know him by his nickname PC.

First of all he would interupt you on a regular basis: ” Are you sure you want to do that?” Especially if you are talking to someone else.

He would be forever suggesting words you don’t want to use, especially if these words are in any way unusual like proclivity, whatever that means. He would suggest a word that is totally inappropriate, and completely meaningless.

Percy would go to sleep without warning and just when you needed him to be attentive.He would probably say something like: “I need to update a couple of things here so will be going to sleep for a short while, and when I wake up I’ll remember nothing you said to me”

He might occasionally get overheated, and would get out a fan to cool down, his face would go pale and blank. Then darken before switching off completely. You are unlikely to be able to wake him up for at least twelve hours.

If he had been left in the dark he would only wake up if you used the magic word. This magic word is known to him and was known to you and involves capital letters as well as numerals and lower case letters, no matter how much you try to remember Percy will not recognize your magic word and will continue to sleep. When you do remember it he will ask you if you want to be reminded in future what the magic word is, and if you want him to remember it. At this stage you start to wonder how you ever got to be ‘friends’ with him.

He will fail to recognize a printer that he once used to know quite well, and claim never to have met him before. When re-intoduced he would refuse to work with him on the grounds of incompatibility.

After trying to remember what he has been told he will have no recollection of anything said to him or when it was said.

He will suggest that he be upgraded to first class or business class on a regular monotonous basis, without any legitimate reason, and refuse to do simple tasks that he said he would do if this was not actioned.If upgraded he would then still refuse to complete those tasks for some other spurious reason like incompatiblity, and will bang on about operating systems.

Percy has a an aquaintance called Mac, they are not on speaking terms. Mac has an eating disorder which he goes on about quite a lot, making him very thin and lightweight. Mac is from a big family that thinks it is  superior to anyone else in every way, with mac it’s all about me. ipad, ipod, imac.

Percy and Mac have one thing in common, they are forever running out of memory.

PCdown4pweb

PC’s gone down


A drawing that suits from many years ago, you can tell by the look of the computer. No flat screens in those days, just nice big boxes and monitors that would go through a window, and there’s a floppy disc making a sharp exit. The modern ones would probably bounce off windows.