Bike Woman

Survival depends on the continued existence of huge motor cycles.

In the spurious world of advertising, Bike Woman is a slinky young blonde beauty with nothing on beneath her leather jacket, which is otherwise well filled and unzipped to the waist. She sits astride a bike as if she and it were lust incarnate.

In reality, Bike Woman can be large, mature and frightening of aspect, to be approached with caution. She always has a male consort whose uses include driving the bike, refuelling the bike, polishing the bike, having an off-putting appearance, and mating. Places to spot Bike Woman include those favoured by the male consorts for summer rutting displays, such as the Isle of Man, the Hartside cafe between Penrith and Alston, and the Cat and Fiddle pub between Macclesfield and Buxton.

Your correspondent once saw a fine specimen of Bike Woman wearing a uniquely low-cut leather jacket, clearly custom tailored to show off the pushed-up breasts which were completely covered in squirly tattoos. A quick glance had to be sufficient, since the look received from Bike Woman unmistakably indicated that certain people were not the type for which the exhibits were designed. Since the consort was even taller and more muscular, there could be no argument. Your correspondent was walking past a bookshop window at the time and his averted gaze fell on a display copy of the Complete Guide to British Decorated Jugs (this is true).

Bike Woman is closely related to several other species, none of them common but all hoping to escape extinction. These are All-in Mud Wrestling Woman, Second-hand Furniture Woman (House clearance’s a speciality), and Rough Pub Owning Woman.

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Words by Gordon Thorburn, as usual, he did write a very important tome called ‘Men and Sheds’ worth a look though it has photographs ( Pah! )

Hope you enjoy this one, more to follow next year.

May I take this opportunity to wish all the people who bother to look at this site a very Happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

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