Tag: Humour

Babies, Twins, Grandchildren

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Desmond Pratt

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Des to his chums. He does a lot of on-line gaming and delves into on-line dating describing himself as a “buff twenty something” when he’s a good deal older and not buff at all. He rarely meets his intended date, thank goodness. Lives with his Mum, which again is perhaps just as well. Nobody ever goes into his room apart from his cat and whatever the cat had brought in. There is nothing he does not know about computers and could probably hack into the Pentagon if he wanted to. I’ll let you fill in any other details from your … Continue reading Desmond Pratt

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Damp Skoolboy

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I like to get out for a walk, whatever the weather and the other day, it was whatever the weather. Rain coming down like stair rods and this called for full kit walking gear. Well “dubbined” boots, that is greased up to keep the wet out of my socks, weather proof coat with inner warm lining zipped up to the chin with hat to steer any drips away from the face area, and rain proof over trousers, which I generally refer to as ‘nipple trousers’ as the waist band reaches this area. I can go out in almost any amount … Continue reading Damp Skoolboy

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The Best Dressed Man in the Village

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This is another of the pages from my collaboration with Gordon Thorburn and our book Some Missing Persons, now very nearly out of print. Gordon’s site If you are a new visitor to my site there are others scattered around here like this one Man who mends cars… A vacancy has arisen in the post of Honorary Village Figurehead, Titlingham St Margaret. Would suit retired major, colonel or wing commander with wife extant. Applicants must be prepared to chair Parish Council, school governors, et cetera. Naval officers tended to retire on the coast, so the villagers of Titlingham, deep in the heart of … Continue reading The Best Dressed Man in the Village

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“I shall only buy quality knitwear”

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It’s not my New Year’s Resolution, but it came from someone close to me and was delivered as if the words were more like ” I shall seek to achieve the Nobel Prize for Peacemaking”. For myself I’d chosen a resolution of similar insignificance: ” I shall switch my computer off for 2  days per week and do drawing on paper” I’ve so far not managed mine a the knitwear fanatic has not put her resolution to the test just yet. There’s a reason for my switch off resolution and it’s simply do do more practical drawing on paper and not … Continue reading “I shall only buy quality knitwear”

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Eat your heart out Andy Warhol.

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He was reputed to have made the most tedious films ever, I’ve been fortunate to miss them, but here’s my own contribution to the ‘cannon’. Off we went for a good old country walk into the village at the top of the hill that’s a good deal colder than around here, but is also blessed with some wonderful cotswold stone walls. The village itself is ‘owned’ by one estate so all the cottages there are in the same style and painted in the ‘estate’ colours.The entire village is in the ownership of this estate so you can’t buy anywhere there, … Continue reading Eat your heart out Andy Warhol.

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New Year’s honours, why do we do it?

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  I’m against them but torn. First of all my dear late Dad got a gong, for service to the police. I hasten to add he was a policeman not a ‘customer’ as he used to call his clients. He was delighted to get it but grumbled in a bemused sort of fashion when every New Year brought a new batch of odd people given knighthoods for being successful and usually very rich as a result of their success. I ways got a frisson of pleasure at the thought of John Lennon sending his MBE back to the Queen in protest … Continue reading New Year’s honours, why do we do it?

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“My paintings are like your soup”

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A day out to visit one of my very favourite people and an artist who should have more recognition of her work. Sally Williams has been an artist all her life and a friend for quite a while. She lives out of Gloucester in the countryside and we decided to visit armed with soup. I explained that the soup that I’d made was a one off, an original. In other words, she’s be unlikely ever to taste it again. ” Why’s that, what’s in it?”. At this time of year the main ingredients are the bottom of the fridge and … Continue reading “My paintings are like your soup”

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Rare breed spotted in Hackney

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This is a very rare breed that does not seem to exist in Cheltenham but seems to thrive in Hackney in East London. “Man with Brush” used to exist in large numbers countrywide, with the country versions as well as the town breeds having areas to look after day in and day out. The result as illustrated here is a clean street. “Mother bird” collects the assembled droppings collected by “Man with”, as it is termed in shortened version. In many areas “Man with” has been dispensed with. The result is that droppings are left in corners where “Mother bird” cannot … Continue reading Rare breed spotted in Hackney

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Rude Olf

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I’m used to taking direction and recently was shown a drawing by someone who I think might become one of the Big Life Fixers. The Big Life Fixers That is someone who can see that he can make life better for people, and in this instance it’s for Rudolf. Poor chap has been used to delivering pressies for all these years and in the freezing cold to boot, it’s no wonder that his nose gets red, and probably very sore. Original Concept drawing from Freddie Burgess Young Freddie Burgess has done a brilliant concept, that is that the red nose should be … Continue reading Rude Olf

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Walking for talk’s sake…

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There’s more too it than you think and less than you might sometimes expect. That’s the sort of nonsense I talk after a good walk, that’s ended at a pub. Anyhow, my chum Robin, chose to chauffeur me out to a place I’ve never been before, the Cheltenham Canal. Apart from the pleasure of the drive in his spectacular vehicle with buttons for everything, we had a brilliant sunny day and a good walk to look forward to. Robinus Burtonicus in it’s natural habitat.   It’s a fact that if one earns one’s living in a career where most of … Continue reading Walking for talk’s sake…

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Trapped in a Post Office queue with a bird…

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Woolworth’s used to make all their profit at Christmas and I’ve no doubt that the Post Office do very well at the same time of year. Let’s hope they can keep going, unlike dear old Woolies. They seem to be trying all sorts of things to keep their heads afloat and at present are blessed by the simple fact that people still want to post Christmas cards. My local Post Office was rammed the other day when I chose to post a small parcel. The main post office sold off their impressive building in the centre of the town and … Continue reading Trapped in a Post Office queue with a bird…