Tag: Writing

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Impress your friends with ‘Art Bollox’

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It’s not like Botox but has the same sort of effect in bringing on an impressionless face. It is , of course, the way some people talk about art, and that art can be anything. Here are some useful tips and words that should be used. Drop them into the conversation, and people will soon give you that look that suggests they don’t know what you’re talking about, but- and this is key- they will counter with their own bollox. I recently saw what is always described as a ‘piece’, and this is a key word. Art is never described … Continue reading Impress your friends with ‘Art Bollox’

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Giggabites

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It’s the name of the food concession at Bury Football Club, and if it isn’t, it should be. I have this liking or loathing of clever names for businesses, and this idea came to me very early this morning. You may need to know the names of football grounds to understand it, and if you don’t, then feel free to look up where Bury Football Club plays. Perhaps I should have stayed asleep. Yorkshire and Sheffield in particular seem to have a real problem with this habit. If your business name does not have some sort of clever name then … Continue reading Giggabites

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He ain’t grate on the spelling…

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…but ask him how to fix a door knob and he’s your man. I’m a big fan of YouTube short videos on how to fix stuff, and there’s always stuff to fix. Imagine this blog spoken in the same style as Tom Hanks’s in Forest Gump, and you might see the bigger picture. Speaking of pictures, he can fix them too. How to hang them, that is. In fact, he can fix most things around the house. He’s a guy from ‘Down the Deep South somewhere about’, who tells folks how to fix stuff. He’s not a natural performer, but … Continue reading He ain’t grate on the spelling…

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A Map of Peru?

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The eccentric: Actually, there was more than one. I worked as a print rep for a large printing company starting when I was a mere 58. It was my first proper job since my erstwhile career in the world of cartoons and illustration; it made a refreshing change from working alone and trying to get on top of the new digital age, without a great deal of success. And it was regular money and paid holidays- what’s not to like? My remit at the company was to sell print, simple. I knew a bit about print but was about to … Continue reading A Map of Peru?

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Ashton in Makerfield : beware of the dogs.

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In my Facebook outline it asks where you are from. I put Wigan, but I could have put in three places in Wigan: Lower Ince, Ashton in Makerfield and Standish. My father was a policeman, and on each promotion, of which he had a lot, he was moved to a different location. My parents did not own a house until after his retirement; all of our houses were police properties. They got progressively smarter as he rose up the greasy pole. Ashton in Makerfield was in the middle, a detached house on a relatively new estate, so he’d been promoted … Continue reading Ashton in Makerfield : beware of the dogs.

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Looking back, was it ham sandwiches or Trevor that saved me?

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We lived in a police house just outside the police station on the edge of Manchester in Ashton-under-Lyne. I was around 22 and had just left art school in Manchester, scraping my diploma, and feeling a little sore at just scraping through, but looking back it was probably about right. I was in a year that shone but the light coming from me was more of a flicker than a beam. I was determined to get off my backside and get a career in advertising as a so-called ‘creative’ in London. There was a plan to share a place in … Continue reading Looking back, was it ham sandwiches or Trevor that saved me?

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Wingnut assembly by the River.

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A friend and I have started to put aside a day per month to go out drawing, en plein air, as the French would say. We had quite a lot of plein air yesterday, choosing a dry but flat sort of day to go down by the river, and the river around these parts is the Severn. Turns out that the third member of the drawing club I’d met before some years ago, when she came to me to have some printing done. So she’d had the unfortunate experience of my smooth talking print rep persona. She recognised me but … Continue reading Wingnut assembly by the River.

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Jodie could…

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For some unknown reason I got a posting on Facebook featuring Jodie Foster, the well known American film actor now an equally, if not more talented director, asking about impossible words to pronounce in French. She is a fluent French speaker. Now I did ‘O’level French and then got another one when I tried to do the ‘A’ level version, way back in the mists of time. I never got around to doing the reading of all those French classics, like the eternally miserable books by Albert Camus. Wrist slashing stuff. My French is not great despite my being a … Continue reading Jodie could…

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“Who buys this stuff?”

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Insurance? It’s a mystery tour to me. Seems like they get their prices by throwing a few number blocks in the air and then settling on the red ones. Some companies, like plumbers, give you such an astronomical price that you wonder if they do it to make sure you won’t buy.. Of course, as one gets older, the more expensive it gets. I’m talking about travel insurance here, but it can apply to driving too. While with driving, the risks do get higher as our faculties and reactions slow down to the same speed we now drive. Younger drivers … Continue reading “Who buys this stuff?”

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The Black Shed of Slad.

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From quite some years ago now, I was driving in the little, very bright yellow van ( 100% Yellow plus 15% Magenta for complete accuracy) towards Stroud on a mission for the company I worked for: Severnprint. I was probably delivering proofs for a job and trying to drum up a little more work from the area. In those days, one could wander around trading estates and shops looking for work. I learnt early in my brief and not that distinguished career as a print salesman ( though it read ‘ Account Manager ‘ on the business card) that one … Continue reading The Black Shed of Slad.

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Why do we do what we do?

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It’s a question that I keep asking myself. At the outset, I used to draw for a living. It was generally a collaborative sort of thing; in short, I was a commercial artist with a bent for large noses. I’ve drawn a lot of stuff, and generally, I was asked to do it for money, so I got lucky. Later, I was asked for ideas on what to draw, so although collaborative, I sort of got more authorship, if you want to use a fancy name for it. I came up with some of the odd ideas all by myself. … Continue reading Why do we do what we do?

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Bruvver.

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There are 11 months between us, and my surprise arrival may well have generated some ‘heat’ for our father at the time. Me on the left, John with one hand protecting me and the other picking my pocket, perhaps. His birthday is on the same date as the King’s, so he gets a reminder. The cartoonist and the antique dealer, who would have thought it, both now at an age where we are both not quite antiques but might be termed ‘collectables’. The plan was to take a trip to West Wales to celebrate my brother’s significant birthday. I thought … Continue reading Bruvver.