What shall we do with the big fat wobbler? Walking back from Oliver’s Mount to the DIY store, most of the Nosepipe army stopped off at The Mere cafe for a cup of tea and an ice cream, but Tracy and King Nicky Tams kept walking, discussing what to do about King Canoe. They also had a chat about Nicky Tams’s coronation as King Nicky Tams I of Ang Gonnasec and CCLVI of Nosepipe. Tracy wanted the big expensive coronation in York Minster. No, absolutely not, out of the question, said King Nicky Tams as he firmly put down the … Continue reading 19. King Canoe. His doom is deemed.

Just don’t tell her you got it so cheap, and don’t forget the flowers from the garage. Continue reading Because she’s worth it…

Well, it’s all but gone from these parts, but there was a lot of snow around here. The result has been some major first world problems like the shortage of eggs and flour. Yes in the local supermarket there is a distinct lack of eggs and self-raising flour. Almost as if the answer to “the Beast from the East” as the newspapers would have us call our latest spate of bad weather, with roads blocked by snow drifts and people literally in a spin in their cars, was to head for the nearest supermarket and buy every available egg and bag … Continue reading Snow creates a nation of cakemakers

  Although Scary Mary didn’t know it, there is a bed and breakfast in Scarborough called The Mayfair Hotel. It’s in Trafalgar Square near the cricket ground and, at that exact moment, there was a cat being sick in the garden while a seagull was dropping a little present on the landlady’s hat as she trod on a hairy caterpillar on her garden path as she stepped out to go shopping for a packet of ‘Toad’ brand washing powder. It is hardly surprising therefore that Scary Mary should end up sitting on the roof of the said Mayfair Hotel, Bed … Continue reading 18. Chaaaaaaaaaaaarge! Also: Peeeeeeaowww!! Sping!!! Sklunk!!!! 

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith And that would have been that.  Except for a fountain pen that didn’t work.   The Battle of Scarborough could so easily have ended with that first strike. What chance, after all, did a busload of weedy and demoralised pink shell-suit types have, against 500 deadly Nosepipian arrows? Meanwhile, back in the dungeon of the Nosepipe Royal Palace, Queen Scary Mary was writing her memoirs and her pen was playing up. The ink supply wasn’t getting consistently to the … Continue reading 17. And that would have been that. 

This was one of a series of posts I did some years ago where I amended the same drawing for each post, creating a different idea each time. I had the thought that it was a good idea but, like all these things that I seem to do, it petered out after a while. I quite like this one given our present weather here in the UK. It’s my son’s birthday today, he was born on the 29th February, so Happy Birthday Joe! Just started his own coffee bar and seems to be a natural at an understated humour on … Continue reading Where did that come from?

This is a painting by my good friend and renowned local Gloucestershire artist Sally Williams. It seemed apt given that we’ve had the ‘Beast from the East’ upon us over here in the UK. Why is it that journalists insist on giving weather a title? I don’t remember the dreadful winter of 1964 being given a name. As usual for us everything, apparently, grinds to a halt and there is panic buying of bread! The present storm is said to arrive with more ferocity ( that is east winds ) in the next few days. I’m in London at present … Continue reading Snow

The Battle of Scarborough, from Our Own Correspondent. Roadworks on the A171 Whitby road had sent the Ang Gonnaseckian Army coach driver on a roundabout route, so roundabout in fact that he had come back on himself, turned right at the lights, followed his nose, made another right at the Mill Inn, Harwood Dale, got in a terrible tangle after that in Dalby Forest and somehow managed to find himself heading straight into Scarborough up Racecourse Hill from the Ayton direction. “That way, down there!” shouted a few of the more sensible passengers, and the bus turned south towards Seamer. … Continue reading 16. Load! Aim! Fiiiiiiiiire!

Time to get the seed potatoes for the plot. I go to a brilliant little nursery where the choice is massive and the guidance on what to grow is also great. I’ve tried a few in my time on the plot but last year’s success encouraged me to go with a similar selection. Potato Head? I’m hoping for good results from International Kidney which is my new potato choice. second early is Jester which did very well for me last year. There’s huge satisfaction from digging up perfect spuds, it’s like finding big golden eggs in the ground. Equally it’s … Continue reading Potato time, and what’s in a name?

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith Not so fast, Macdonald. You still haven’t had your Meringue Test. Macdonald scampered up the alleyway which had all the stacks of bathroom tiles. Even running as fast as he was, he still noticed what yucky colours they were. Reaching the end of the vile tile pile aisle he turned into the next one, which was given over to free demonstrations of the fingernail care kits which were being sold cheaply that week. Soon he reached the end of … Continue reading 15. Not so fast, Macdonald.