Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith Not so fast, Macdonald. You still haven’t had your Meringue Test. Macdonald scampered up the alleyway which had all the stacks of bathroom tiles. Even running as fast as he was, he still noticed what yucky colours they were. Reaching the end of the vile tile pile aisle he turned into the next one, which was given over to free demonstrations of the fingernail care kits which were being sold cheaply that week. Soon he reached the end of … Continue reading 15. Not so fast, Macdonald.

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith Can Macdonald pass the Meringue Test?  “I was King Canoe’s batman, manservant or valet, Your Majesty,” declared Macdonald after he arose, giving every word as much weight as he could. “Even as we speak, the King is a prisoner. Outside this very headquarters. He is tied up. In a sack. In the passenger seat of an MG.” “What kind of an MG might that be?” said King Nicky Tams the Easily Led, who had a knack of going straight … Continue reading 14. The spy who shoved me.

There I was in Walkley, which is on a hill in Sheffield. Everything seems to be on a hill in Sheffield, which perhaps explains why the roads seem to slip and result in probably more pot-holes than anywhere I’ve ever experienced. The only vehicle that might survive this is likely to be a batmobile. There it was, parked at an angle to the hill to prevent slippage. I was there to help son Joe open his brand new coffee shop. He’s a bit of a coffee freak so this is a bit of a dream come true. He’s pretty adept … Continue reading Batman lives in Sheffield, well he would would​ n’t he?

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith     The haggis on Burns Night. He’s a quick thinker, Macdonald, but is Tracy quicker?   When King Canoe had stopped running about and panicking after hearing the news of the invasion, Macdonald put a call through to the General Officer Commanding, Ang Gonnaseckian Army. The young private soldier on the switchboard was able to relay the call to the General’s personal wireless operator, who was crouching behind a bush by the 13th tee of the Scarborough South … Continue reading 13. The haggis on Burns Night.

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith They don’t want to come out because of their pink uniforms. We need to go back a while here, to before Canoe was King. It had long been the tradition in Ang Gonnasec, as in most countries with Kings, that the young males of Royal Blood should spend some time in the armed forces. In Ang Gonnasec, this usually meant two years in a crack regiment in the army – as an officer, naturally, not a corporal or anything … Continue reading 12. But first, call out the Guard!

As followers might have noted I’m involved with some jolly fine fun writing of the story of Nicky Tams by my colleague Gordon Thorburn. Trying to be as clever as possible, never a good idea, I have scheduled these to appear in the right order over several weeks. It worked out quite well until today when I managed to post one a few weeks early after some editing I needed to do to it. Flapping around I went back and deleted it and then put it back in the right order. Breathing a sigh of relief, though I’m not sure quite … Continue reading You wait for a blog to come along, then three turn up at once…

They used to inhabit small shops, and generally had a bank of second-hand TVs that they would sell to you with the legend, that “these never seem to breakdown, Japanese you see” ( Never quite explaining why they had appeared in his shop ). Put out of business by the solid state flat screen TVs we have today hanging from every wall. Why we even refer to them as “flat screen TVs” any more is a bit of a mystery as every TV seems to have a flat screen, when’s the last time you saw one with buttons on the front … Continue reading TV Man, remember them?

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith   Kings are only human. As, indeed, are manservants. After the squash, Macdonald drove King Canoe home through the country lanes in the Royal Sports Car, which was a fantastic old red MG TC. It had the soft top and the wooden steering wheel, leather seats, walnut dash, proper circular dials with chromium round them, and proper black knobs and switches. Macdonald always had the top down if it wasn’t actually pouring with rain, and King Canoe wore goggles … Continue reading 11. Kings are only human.

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith   If you thought King Nicky Tams was a clot, wait until you meet King Canoe. He’s wobbly, he’s weedy, He’s fat he’s wet he’s greedy, C.A.N.O.E. Canooooooooe! (Ang Gonnaseckian children’s playground rhyme) The answerphone was on because Canoe, a fat King and a total pickled cucumber, was spending the morning at the Squash Club in York. He was in York because it was summer. In summer, the King and his Entourage (means ‘Hangers-on’) always retreated from their Scarborough … Continue reading 10. If you thought King Nicky Tams was a clot, wait until you meet King Canoe.

I’m not one for taking pictures of my own lunch but this has to be a worthy exception. Until last week I’d never had East End Eels. I’d heard about Pie and Mash shops and Jellied Eels, of course, but never sampled the delights. A trip to Hackney and there stands an old established Eel and Pie shop. On a perishing cold day, it seemed sensible to have a hot dinner. Under that sea of green lurk the eels in question, the sea of green is described as liquor, but to you and me it would be parsley sauce ( … Continue reading Eels and Mash

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith Let loose the dogs of war! Have at ye, varlet! In the Olden Days, soldiers used to say things like that. They also said “Lay on, Macduff” and “I want my mammy”. The Nosepipians’ journey across the sea was total chaos, with quite a few of the ships being sailed by people who had only done wind-surfing before. There were no signs or anything to give them directions, and the weather got worse and worse. They thought they were … Continue reading 9. Let loose the dogs of war! Have at ye, varlet!

Our latest episode of Nicky Tams the King of Nosepipe,  as told by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself Wordsmith Drawingsmith It was usually muesli for the poor wee lamb. Nicky Tams looked at the muesli jar. It was a special, very good for you sort of muesli, specially mixed by the Royal Special Muesli Mixing Herald Pursuivant. It had large quantities of sharp bits, blended carefully with hard bits and chewy bits and stick-between-your-teeth bits, all together with loads of round, flat, floury tasteless bits. Nicky Tams was allowed no salt or sugar, but he found that if he … Continue reading 8. What the King had for his breakfast.