My phone and internet provider have changed the landline. It’s now not a landline. Old tech is being phased out. Calls on my landline now come via the internet. It’s progress of a sort I commented to the charming Egyptian woman who was helping me sort out what to plug in where. “From now on” she said, “if you lose the internet you will not be able to make a call over the landline”. In effect I said, I no longer have a landline.

After a while getting nowhere she then re-programmed my internet router, and now the phone works fine. I rarely use it anyway and calls to it are equally rare.

I recall many years ago, when I lived in a flat in Shepherds Bush, I thought we might have a gas leak. The Gas Board, as it was called then ( No stupid branding names like Synergy or Octopus ) sent round a man on a bike! Parking his monster bike outside this chap looked like an ageing detective in his huge gabardine Mac, which he was in a way, he could sniff out a gas leak from anywhere. How did he do that? Well town gas as it was called had a very strong smell and he had a very fulsome nose. Blowing his hooter on a large handkerchief ( remember those? ) he simply sniffed around. He reassured us that we had no leak, but checked all the connections including the one to the fridge ( yes, we had a gas fridge ) just to make sure. Customer service. After a cup of tea he trundled back down the stairs and climbed back on his bike, job done. Remote access and a woman calling from Egypt looking on my phone where I plug the phone in on my house would have been as foreign to him, as she was.

To be fair, she was charming, helpful, and got the job done. A bit like the Gas Detective, but I was unable to make her a cup of tea.

Ashley and Sally’s Shed. This has nothing to do with an Egyptian woman and my broadband but it makes me feel better, as do most sheds. The more general ordered detritus in the area the better.