What we do for information these days is a measure of how far we have come. I’m not going to call them good old days as they simple were n’t, but back ‘then’ new equipment came with an instruction book, which all God fearing men used to ignore completely until the thingy was done and it did not seem to work. The arrogance of knowing how to put stuff together was something I was born with, just as well they never let me construct anything that carried people, like a car or a plane. Dongle had a different meaning back then too, and advice then was not to mess with it. The same should apply now.

So I have this stuff, tech stuff, that via an app you can see what’s happening via the internet. I made the decision to ‘upgrade’ my internet, therein lies the glitch. A new router was delivered and plugged in and new passwords and stuff had to be applied to devices and they were and all worked well. So far so good.

However I can’t see how much power we are generating in these blistering hot days, from our solar power. Do I need to see it? Am I one of those people that checks up on how much power I’m using through the day? I’d like to think not. I’d like to think!

So, for the second time this week I’ve been on a chat line, one of those respectable ones, not those where they tell you what they might be wearing, or not! And for the second time I have been on the phone helpline. The first chats were to do with my computer and “person on phone’ solved it all after ‘person on keyboard ‘ had wound me up so much I thought I was going to lose my marbles, and he probably thought I had.

Lesson 1. Always escalate. Don’t take the word of the first ‘person on keyboard’. They might be wrong even though they sound right.

Lesson 2. Go through it all on the phone with ‘person on phone’ very slowly. ‘Person on phone’ has all the time in the world. In my case I had 2 cups of tea and a snack whilst he was on the line to me, I could have read a short novel in the time he was being patient with me, heart transplants take less time. But that problem was solved. All seems right with the world until you realise that the day has nearly passed.

Problem 2: the solar power info saga, was also solved by ‘persons on the phone’. In this case I had to find a dongle I did n’t know I had, reset it whilst lying down in the garage with a torch and a pencil to find the tiny button that I needed to press with the tip of a pencil. He was able to tell that I has successfully reset my dongle, without knowing that I was struggling to get back on my feet, though he must have heard my heavy breathing as my breath as in short pants. Then he said I had to wait 20 minutes before calling back! So by now third ‘person on phone’ was equally helpful but now we had to delve into my router.

Delving involves looking at the router via the internet. Instructions were: Go here! Go there! Click this!, click that! Can you see this? Nope…..long worrying silence, then a: we’ll need to go here. Click this, then that, then put in your password. He was then able to tell me that the last hour was well spent as I could now see exactly how much energy I was using.

An instruction book might have helped, but I’d have had a go before opening the first page. ‘Telephone Persons’ win every time. I’m beginning to think that I am artificially intelligent.