I’m a big fan of both and a keen Guardian reader, especially the Saturday version. Off to the Supermarket to get my copy and don’t quite know where to look. So I ask a helpful young man. I thought I said “Can you tell me where to find the newspapers please” and he just responds with the word: “Beetroot?”

Now I know I’ve had a cold, a stinker, and my wife tells me I mumble, but how did I make newspaper sound like beetroot? Perhaps if I eat more beetroot I’ll see off the cold and my speech will improve.

I asked the aforesaid young man how he could mistake “newspaper” for “beetroot”. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and simply shrugged.

I’m off to blowdenose now, and then it’s a large whisky courtesy of my dear son and new D.I.L ( Daughter in law ) What to take to a Belgian Wedding… They have jetted off to somewhere exotic, probably called Avocado.