Ear are tinstructions fot First form uv Wigan Pie Chi.

Translation from the above is: Here are the instructions for the first form of Wigan Pie Chi, a North West of England form of the art where the tongue stays firmly in the cheek. Fettling is local parlance for fixing stuff, and these excersizes will fettle you.

Enjoy.

The passing of the pie ( Passin tut pie )

Stand with arms by your side, knees slightly bent, head up straight as if looking over someone’s shoulder at a Rugby league match. You should be wearing a shell suit or something like that, an old t shirt and your grandma’s leggings will do.

Hold a warm pie.

Lean over as if to hand to a friend

Change your mind

Bring it back under your nose

Lift your nose as from pie after sampling the smell of this delicious item.

Pointing to the Pier. (Poyntin ut peer )

Lean forward with hand outstretched as if reaching for a pie.

Change hand shape to small bird with feather pointing, whilst circling wrist in extravagant fashion

Point into middle distance

Breath gently in and exhale with the quizzical expression Wigan Pier?

Come back to standing position with quizzical look on face.

Pigeon is released by miners (Snap time )

This is a tricky historical move derived from early times in the borough when miners existed.

Stand leaning as if against a brick wall.

Drop slowly to a squat.

Contemplate state of a small imaginary pigeon in the hand,

Stay in this position for several minutes or until a bus arrives.

Contemplate

Rise on one leg and release imaginary pigeon.

Light a Wild Woodbine

Exhale, cough until the blood suffuses the face

Return to stand as if against a coop doorway

Sigh

Cough again gently.

Passing the Uncle Joe’s ( passint ball )

Hold a packet of Uncle Joe’s Mint Balls in a small triangular paper thin sweet bag.
They are supposed to stick together like a bunch of grapes so grab one and release in a circular motion.

Hold the ball like a magician, showing it to all.
As if to demonstrate magic trick.

Moving it from right to left.

Bend the knees as a ballet dancer would, then on the uplifting motion insert the Uncle Joe delicacy in to the mouth.

Exhale with the expression whispered ‘ By eck that’s good’

Come to standing position with contemplation.

Wigan Athletic ( Latic antic )

From standing position lift arms as if holding a scarf.

Legs apart move imaginary scarf from left to right in slow motion.

Drop arms down as if still holding scarf

Grip imaginary scarf in one hand by your side and hold the other hand aloft with fist clenched as if releasing a small bird to freedom.

Return to standing. Head bowed as if disappointed by VAR ruling.

Exhale.

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Try these exercises after a night of many beers, listening to Clara at the Organ down at the King Billy public house in Lower Ince, from where this form was inspired.

Practice frequently and on day you may well become a Pie Chee Master and receive the Freedom of the Borough, or at least a warm pie and a packet of Uncle Joe’s.

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This is an AI generated image, I simply put in that I wanted a fat bloke doing Tai Chi with a meat and potato pie held high. I’m frankly amazed at the result, especially as he looks not unlike me, with the lack of hair and the beard, though the pie is wrong, looks nothing like the proper Wigan pie, I suspect apples within.