When I was ar art school way back when things were in simple black and white, colour television not long invented, one of the lads in my group thought art history was artistry. One can be forgiven for thinking that not much has changed in art or football. Here’s a recent exchange by pundits before the game between France and Holland

So Alan can you just sum up what you think of this French team then

Well, Monet and his fellow PSG teammate Manet are a real handful, clever and tricky in this impressive forward lineup, linking in with Van Gogh, who you might have thought would be playing for the opposition, but chose to represent France. He’s quoted as saying he’s fond of ‘Les Bleu’. I get the impression that he’s had a good season in the league. Keep an eye open for him. Monet in particular, is in a class of his own; it’s hard to see anyone getting close to him.

And in defence?

I think there’s a bit of a question mark about their keeper, Renoir, and their flat back four have been at times less than impressive. Pissaro is clean and clinical, but he has days when he seems to get his lines wrong. As for Suerat, I’m not quite sure how he’s got into the side. He’s personally not done that well recently; his contributions so far in the campaign have been pointless.

Bit harsh?

Perhaps, we’ll see.

What about their middle men.

Cezanne is in a class of his own, same league as Mbappe; he brings a directness and subtle fusion in the middle of the park. The lesser-known Degas and the rather diminutive Lautrec, both colourful characters, are less impressive, but I really can’t see this team lifting the trophy.

Well, what about this Dutch side then, Alan? What’s your view on them

Well, after the row about Van Goch, they seem to have settled on their final squad and come to terms with the task ahead. They have some history with Vermeer, no longer up to playing, but they have some classic old masters in Rembrandt, who, for me, is a cut above almost all the rest on the field. When it comes to an artist with an expressive touch, then the more recent De Kooning could be a master stroke, but there’s a rumour that he might be going over to the American squad. Mondrian is a steady influence in the middle of the park, and likes to keep it simple.

In their defence, I just don’t quite know how they came to the decision to select Hertz Van Rentle; he’s been on loan back home for months, and it’s a mystery how he has made the squad at all.

To sum up, the Dutch manager Frans Hals has been a bit cavalier with selection.

Who knows? He might have the last laugh.

Well, thanks for that Alan. As usual an interesting take on the teams, and now it’s over to your match commentator:
Mike Cliche.