There are far too many first world problems that get me generating heat, but a recent bill from the bailiffs for Scottish Power really did take the shortbread.
I owe Scottish Power nothing. Despite that, they continued to send letters from their bailiff company insisting that I do. I made my feeling known to them and they advised that they would get the bailiffs to desist and that they would pay me what they had demanded as some sort of recompense.
I’ve since had two more letters from the bailiffs.
In Scottish Poer’s cheery ‘customer service focussed’ response they recently suggested :
Need more help? There are a number of quicker and easier ways to get in touch – online, chat or phone. Visit https://www.scottishpower.co.uk/getintouch or download our energy app, search ‘ScottishPower – your energy’ via the iOS App or Android Google Play Store.
I’ve responded as follows:
Having passed on my earlier complaint I have now had yet another letter from bailiffs: Mxxxxxxt Debt Recovery for my nonexistent account.
I was advised on my first contact with you that this would be stopped. It has not been done, or they have ignored any instructions from you.
I suggest an escalating rate of recompense for these letters which in effect are demanding money with menaces.
Let’s start with the original complaint for which you should be paying me
£78-00, this was the fictitious amount that was outstanding on the bill that never came to me and was the agreed sum discussed on the phone with Mr XXXX.
Then add on £25-00 for sending me another letter, menacing me and obliging me to get in touch again, then add on £30-00 for the letter just sent to me on the 3rd September.
I’d suggest that if you add £5-00 on a base charge of £25-00 for harassment and incompetence, and get Mxxxxxxt to pay you for their incompetence, they might then desist.
That’s a total of £133-00, please.
This will rise by a factor of £5-00 each time you bother me.
So next time it will be £35-00.
Pass this on to the complaint handler, please.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you, or someone else in due course.
Need more help? There are quicker ways to solve a problem.
Send me an email confirming the above, pay the outstanding amount you owe me, and let’s hope we don’t ever hear from each other again.
Ever.
The names have been blanked above to spare the innocent, the innocent being the poor people who have to deal with complaints at Scottish Power.
I’m awaiting a reply.
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Paul Davies Cartoons & stuff 
Bizarre!