A proper tap has at least three prongs and one spout for hot, and the other on the other side is for cold. It’s easy to grip with soapy hands and is a classic of its time. It has washers in the right places and it served the nation well, you can still get them but like almost all taps they are probably made in China.

The modern tap can have all sorts of fancy ways to switch it on and can includes a bit that operates the metal plug for the basin. It’s not a proper tap. It has many bits that can go wrong, and if they do go wrong, you are more than likely going to have to replace the whole thing. If you do then think about having two normal taps, you are unlikely ever to need to change theme. Don’t be seduced by so called German engineering, and brands with the word “Von” in them.

Take a lesson from the humble garden tap, they don’t have any truck with fancy items. They put straightfoward utilitarian taps on any allotment site, and so they should.

Then there are the mixer taps. Nothing new there, you can get mixer taps with proper turning handles but beware the modern version with its lift this here and turn that there configuration, especially in the modern shower where you are more than likely to get a downpour of icy water before you’ve worked out exactly how it works. Never a problem with the old ones with the H and the C suitably emblazoned on the top of each tap.

And plugs? Get a rubber one with a chain fitted so you don’t lose it. Nothing else is acceptable.

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Here’s a picture taken in Derbyshire to cheer you up.