If a computer were a person.

 

This is what he would be like.

It’s likely to be a bloke called Percy, but most people know him by his nickname PC.

First of all he would interupt you on a regular basis: ” Are you sure you want to do that?” Especially if you are talking to someone else.

He would be forever suggesting words you don’t want to use, especially if these words are in any way unusual like proclivity, whatever that means. He would suggest a word that is totally inappropriate, and completely meaningless.

Percy would go to sleep without warning and just when you needed him to be attentive.He would probably say something like: “I need to update a couple of things here so will be going to sleep for a short while, and when I wake up I’ll remember nothing you said to me”

He might occasionally get overheated, and would get out a fan to cool down, his face would go pale and blank. Then darken before switching off completely. You are unlikely to be able to wake him up for at least twelve hours.

If he had been left in the dark he would only wake up if you used the magic word. This magic word is known to him and was known to you and involves capital letters as well as numerals and lower case letters, no matter how much you try to remember Percy will not recognize your magic word and will continue to sleep. When you do remember it he will ask you if you want to be reminded in future what the magic word is, and if you want him to remember it. At this stage you start to wonder how you ever got to be ‘friends’ with him.

He will fail to recognize a printer that he once used to know quite well, and claim never to have met him before. When re-intoduced he would refuse to work with him on the grounds of incompatibility.

After trying to remember what he has been told he will have no recollection of anything said to him or when it was said.

He will suggest that he be upgraded to first class or business class on a regular monotonous basis, without any legitimate reason, and refuse to do simple tasks that he said he would do if this was not actioned.If upgraded he would then still refuse to complete those tasks for some other spurious reason like incompatiblity, and will bang on about operating systems.

Percy has a an aquaintance called Mac, they are not on speaking terms. Mac has an eating disorder which he goes on about quite a lot, making him very thin and lightweight. Mac is from a big family that thinks it is  superior to anyone else in every way, with mac it’s all about me. ipad, ipod, imac.

Percy and Mac have one thing in common, they are forever running out of memory.

PCdown4pweb

PC’s gone down


A drawing that suits from many years ago, you can tell by the look of the computer. No flat screens in those days, just nice big boxes and monitors that would go through a window, and there’s a floppy disc making a sharp exit. The modern ones would probably bounce off windows.


 

 

 

9 comments

  1. Very clever. There’s a comedy troupe that did a skit on ‘fe-mail’ the email for women where it asks, ‘are you sure you want to send/delete this email about five times before it actually lets you send.

    • Nice! Thanks. I think that perhaps a pc is the friend you don’t really want. I’m on a mac which is different of course, perhaps slightly superior in nature. This piece refers to my wife’s friend.

  2. I remember a sketch on a bunch of medieval monks being introduced for the first time to “book technology” as an alternative to their traditional scrolls…

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