Scary Mary had other ideas.

Episode three of our series about Nicky Tams and Scary Mary in the Kingdom of Nosepipe

Written by Gordon Thorburn and illustrated by myself.


But never say never.
Scary Mary had other ideas.

After three years of banishment, Scary Mary managed to work out her Spell of Release. Once she was free, she took off her shoes and socks for the first time in three years, scraped out the little black bits from between her toes, and went into the nearest Scabby convenience store to buy what she needed for a Spell of Sitting in a Cloud.

She put the vanilla ice cream in the bucket, added a good lump of the black boot polish, mixed it up and then poured in the lemonade. As soon as there was enough dark grey froth to make a small cloud, she said the magic words, sat on it, and flew to Nosepipe.

The Queen flew along until she came to Nosepipe County Primary and there, in the playground, she could see there was a game of marbles going on.

It took her no time at all to spot her son, Prince Nicky Tams, who was a bit of a wally quite frankly, aged nine years and four months. He was not an unpleasant boy but he was rather easily led.

Scary Mary looked down from her cloud and noted that her beloved son wasn’t much use at marbles. He’d come to school with a brand new set and lost the lot in two minutes.

Then, it was time for school dinner and all the children went in for massive platefuls of sausage, beans and chips followed by chocolate sponge and custard. Yes, school dinners were really excellent in the golden days of King Nicky Tams The Muscular.

Prince Nicky Tams did not go in, however. He was allowed, being the Prince and heir to the throne, to bring a packed lunch. Although he was very fond of sausage, beans and chips, he still felt that as he was allowed, he ought to. And so he did.

Today, he had his favourite: Stuffies. Stuffies, if you didn’t know, are individual cold Yorkshire puddings filled, or stuffed, with different things, in this case a thin spreading of Marmite, then alternate layers of peanut butter, raspberry jelly and mayonnaise, topped with a slice of teddy-bear luncheon meat.

Prince Nicky Tams was sitting in a deck-chair, munching his stuffie, when the only cloud in the sky dropped down until it was hovering just behind him.

“Psst!” hissed Scary Mary. “This is your Dear Mama here, on a small cloud which is hovering just behind you. I am returned from years of painful and undignified banishment, to be by the side of my darling Princikins whenever he needs me. What on earth are you eating? It looks disgusting! And haven’t I told you enough times, cheese and tomato sandwiches with wholemeal bread? And an apple to finish?”

“Hello Mum,” said the Prince.

“Listen to me, son. Tonight – look, put that horrible pile of mess away, will you, it makes me feel sick to look at it, how can you eat mayonnaise with Yorkshire pudding – tonight, I am going to cast a spell on your father the King, and tomorrow you will be King instead. This means you will be able to have your Dear Mama back again, to help you cope with growing up, life, the universe, and foreign and domestic policy. What do you think of that?”

“Cool,” said Prince Nicky Tams, and went off to play Short Tennis. He spent the afternoon running after the ball which his opponents kept smashing past his head, then he went home for his tea.

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